My first post…
BRUT 33
I have two brothers that are younger than I am. One Christmas Eve, when I was about thirteen my mom’s folks gave my two brothers and me that white nasty aerosol spray for arm pits – two cans each. The brand was BRUT 33. Basically you would spray this stuff on savagely without reason, like a violent animal. No offense Grandma and Grandpa Bisig, but we hated the stuff.
I was the oldest and if any of us really needed it, I did. I was a stinky thirteen-year-old while my brothers were only eleven and nine. They were still stinky but not teenager stinky. I politely asked them if they wanted their miniature cans of BRUT 33; they happily gave them up.
I patiently waited a few days after Christmas, what I planned to do wouldn’t go over well with my dad. Not on Christmas Eve at least.
Two nights later I stayed up later than usual cleaning my room. Had my mother caught me cleaning she would have known something was up. I tiptoed to my brothers’ room and cracked the door open.
“Are you guys awake?”
Nothing.
I rubbed my hands together and twisted my long, curly mustache. I took all six cans, one in each hand and started to empty each through the small opening I’d left in the door. For maximum spread-age I raised the cans high and aimed upward. Two down, four to go. My finger tips were a little bit cold by the time I’d emptied four cans and dripping with the nasty white stuff. I was willing to suffer through two more cans though. By the time I’d emptied all six cans my finger tips were numb. I closed their door, washed my hands with warm soapy water, and disposed of the cans. Leave no evidence I thought.
I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face.
I woke up the next morning to yells and screams. I sat up quickly and wondered what could be the matter. Luckily for me my dad was already away at work. My mom would be much more forgiving. I pretended to be asleep. My two brothers ran into my room yelling at me. I sat up slowly and acted groggy. My mother was behind them looking back and forth between them and me. They were both coughing and gagging.
I was pretty good about acting like I’d just woken up until I saw the white crusty wads under their noses. I was weak. I burst out laughing.
My mother stomped her foot down. “Mike, what have you done?” The gig was up.
I followed them into their room. It was a magical winter wonderland! A beautiful, fine white-layer draped over my brothers’ room. It almost brought me to tears.
My mother tugged on my ear really hard. “Oww.”
“Explain yourself.” I spilled it all. I would be a horrible informant under torture.
I spent the next few hours cleaning up their room. I had to do like seven loads of laundry (my mom did do most of it) but I helped more than usual. Both my brothers smiled at me while I worked. I would gag back at them and put my fingers up to my nose holes and smile.
I won this round.